Critiquing Song of the Day: “Between the Lines” by Sara Bareilles
Okay, we’re a little sad. We had such a good time helping out our fellow writers this week. In case you’ve missed it, last week we asked some of you to submit your first few lines of your WIPs, and we offered an open forum to receive some awesome feedback. Click here to check out Day 1’s submissions, and here for Day 2.
We know you know the rules, but we’re a bit anal (insert 13-year-old boy snicker). Here are some questions to ask yourself when critiquing:
1. Does the opening shock you?
2. Does the opening pull you in and make you want to read more?
3. Is the voice apparent?
4. Do you have an idea of the pending conflict?
5. Do you get a sense of the setting?
Again, you do NOT have to answer all of these questions–they’re just to get the ball rolling. By the way, thank you SO MUCH for all of you brave souls who were willing to put your work out there, and thanks TONS to our followers for chiming in with help.
Now, for the last time, here are the submissions:
Genre: Middle Grade
Author’s Name: Lisa-Marie
First Lines: “Of course you know, the place is haunted,” the real estate agent said with a big, dorky grin. The tag pinned to his bright blue blazer read George Finkle. A funny sounding name for a funny looking guy: short, not a lot of hair, and has what my dad used to call a “beer belly”.
Title: Between Shades of Gray
Genre: YA Paranormal Romance
Author’s Name: Amy Thomas
First Lines: People are selfish. It’s a basic truth, just like the sky is blue or the grass is green. People are selfish, cruel and weak; and I must do everything in my power not give in to the weakness.
Genre: Women’s Fiction
Author’s Name: Anonymous
First Lines: They lay coiled together like two serpents, spent by their passion. Justine’s lashes lowered once, twice, and she shifted to stay awake. Xavier stirred behind her and a hand crept over her hip and covered her breast.
*BTW, are you a fan of flash fiction? Then swing by here and my group blog, Paper Hangover, tomorrow for Flash Fiction Friday. Tomorrow’s topic: “In 300 words or less, write a story beginning with the cliche, ‘Another One Bites the Dust.'” Just post it on your blog and leave the link on Paper Hangover’s comments! 🙂