Critiquing Song of the Day: “I Walk the Line” by Johnny Cash
It’s here, you guys! Last week, we put out a call for you all to submit the first few lines of your WIPs, and we have quite a few brave followers. So brave, in fact, that we’re able to spread out the critiques throughout this week–woo hoo!
Here’s the deal: we’re posting 3-4 submissions each day, and in the comments section, please provide constructive feedback (click here if you want to know exactly what NOT to do!).
Here are some questions to ask yourself when critiquing:
1. Does the opening shock you?
2. Does the opening pull you in and make you want to read more?
3. Is the voice apparent?
4. Do you have an idea of the pending conflict?
5. Do you get a sense of the setting?
Include any other kind of feedback that may be helpful. Remember, we’re all here to help. Without further ado, here’s the first 4 submissions:
Title: Generation Z
Author’s Name: Jamie Manning
First Three Lines: I want to brand the cow’s hide so bad it hurts. I want to push the glowing red “G” into the heifer’s large black-and-white rump and hear it sizzle and watch it smoke and hear the cow yell in protest. I want to see my Dad smile and be proud of me for once.
Genre: YA Fantasy
Author’s Name: Glenna
First Three Lines: Life began at the Source, and life will return to it in time. That is the truth that none can dispute. That is the law that birthed all others.
Title: No System At All
Author’s Name: Erinn
First Three Lines: There was a rumor floating about the suburbs of Princeton, New Jersey that the McCaffrey brothers destroyed lives. If you were a douche of unspeakable proportions they paid you a visit. The McCaffrey brothers’ punishments were so swift and fitting the douches either changes their ways, moved, or went to jail. It wasn’t just a rumor.
Genre: YA Sci-Fi
Author’s Name: TN
First Three Lines: The alcohol was always cold. Henry swabbed my arm, raising goosebumps with each swipe. My teeth chattered.